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Work vs. Family – How to Have it All Without Losing Your Mind

By Michelle Nichols

You don’t have to choose between your business and your family, but “balance” is not the answer

With the economy as challenging as it is right now, it is tempting to put your family on the back burner. Tempting – but dangerous. Yet what does the media offer as a solution? Work-life “balance,” which I believe is impossible, illogical and downright dangerous. If you spend ten hours at work, it’s crazy to try to spend ten more hours with your family. This is a recipe for guilt, worry and stress - which only makes the situation worse!

Not woo-woo. Work-life issues are not just feel-good, woo-woo blather. They directly impact your bottom-line results. Companies whose employees have smoother family and personal lives have higher productivity, safety, quality, wellness, attendance, key employee attraction and retention. These can all improve your income, without having to generate one more dollar of sales. Added together, they can add a powerful punch to your profits.

Instead of balancing these two powerful forces, I recommend prioritizing them – putting “family first and work a close second. “ This solution is easy and practical. To implement it, hug or tell each of your family members that you love them, and then get to work. This way, you take care of the most important thing first – your family – and then you can focus the rest of the day on having a happy, productive day at work.

In addition, no matter how well you plan, sometimes a customer suddenly needs you, your best employee quits, or some other calamity occurs. When you hug your family first, at least you get your top priority job accomplished.

Tough Lessons. How did I come to this insight? Unfortunately, the hard way, from the school of very tough lessons. In July of 1998, the doctors thought my 8 ½- year old son, Mark, just had the flu. But it wasn’t the flu, and eleven days later, he died of brain cancer. He was smart, funny, and kind – and he didn’t live to start the fourth grade. This year is the eleven-year anniversary of his death, a phrase no parent ever wants to utter.

It is said, “When you lose, don’t lose the lesson too.” Here are five lessons I’ve learned about working and families – and life. They’re in my book , Hug Your Kids Today! 5 Key Lessons for Every Working Parent. They can help you no matter what kind of family you have. You can use several of these lessons with your co-workers too.

1. Hug Your Family Today. The love in your head and your heart don’t really count for much. It’s when you express that love – by giving a hug, saying, “I love you,” giving them a funny card or sending a text message – that really counts. Start today.

2. Carpe Kids (Seize What’s Positive About Your Kids.) When things don’t turn out the way you planned, look for what’s positive and what the other party did right. Stuff happens . This is true for children as well as adults. Try to be a little less judgmental and a little more flexible. Besides, stress is bad for your heart and can be fattening too. Remember, no statue has ever been put up to a critic.

3. When All Else Fails, Laugh. Like I said, stuff happens. My dad used to say, when things go wrong, you can laugh or you can cry. It’s a choice. Humorist Erma Bombeck said, “If you can’t make it better, laugh at it.” Laughter can make the unbearable more bearable, at least until you can find a more permanent solution.

4. Develop Your Family’s Faith Life. I’m not advocating any particular religion or faith, but when a family shares a faith, it’s like they’re all playing the same sport. Faith has helped many families get through difficult times and situations. It might help yours too.

5. Hug Your Family Every Day. Hugging your family is like brushing your teeth – you need to do it every day. Just as brushing your teeth for half an hour once a month still won’t impress your dental hygienist, showing your love to your family only rarely but in a big way still doesn’t have the deep effect that daily hugs can produce.

I wrote these lessons for all moms and dads - and their employers. I wrote them for business titans on Wall Street and hourly workers on Main Street. I wrote them for you.

Your business matters. Your family matters. Now go hug your family – then get to work.

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© 2009 Michelle Nichols. All rights reserved. Ms. Nichols is the author of Hug Your Kids Today! 5 Key Lessons for Every Working Parent, founder of National Hug Your Kids Day, and principal of Work-Life Priorities and Hug Your Kids LLC. For more information, please visit www.HugYourKidsToday.com or call toll-free (877) 352-9684 or (775) 352-9684.